“You only have control over three things in your life – the thoughts you think, the images you visualize and the actions you take (your behavior). How you use these three things determines everything you experience.”


When you function from your memory and live by instinct out of conditioning and conditions; your life becomes bounded with limitations unable to soar.

Your behavior or response in any given situation or circumstance is based on decision (conscious or subconscious decision) rather than on the circumstance. Consequently, your behavior is determined by your decision rather than by the circumstance.

We can make things happen by taking responsibility or we can let things happen by relinquishing responsibility. When you make things happen you lead your life by design and create the success you desire. When you let things happen you live life by default and experience a defeating life.

When you live your life by defaultyour actions or behavior is the outflow of feeling derived from condition or conditioning. When you lead your life by design your actions or behavior is the product of values based on conscious choice or decision.

When you focus from the inside-out your values lead or determine your behavior. When you live from the outside-in your feelings lead or determine your behavior.


When you live your life from the outside-in you empower your emotional life and behavior to be controlled by the actions or treatment of others and other external factors. Your emotional state and mental state becomes a function of the attitude of others towards you- you become reflective of the attitude or behavior of others.

When you lead your life from the inside-out you give yourself the success treatment despite the mistreatment of others. You do not respond in kind to the behavior of others but rather you respond with kindness which is an offshoot of your values.

In other words, your behavior is not controlled by the behavior or actions of others but rather your behavior is determined by the values you have chosen to live by.

It is not what happens to us but rather it is what happens in us that causes us pain.Yes! We can experience physical pain if assaulted or we may experience economicpain from financial loss due to economic downturn. However, no one can take away your value; self-esteem and peace of mind without your consent.

It is the way we think about what happens to us that hurts us. Someone may stop us temporarily but we are the only ones that can stop ourselves permanently. It is the way we respond to the situation that counts rather than the situation.

You are not a product of your feelings but rather you are a product of your choices. When your life is driven by feelings you lose control of your life.

When your life is driven by your values you are in control of your life. Feelings must be subjected to values lest your life becomes subjected to failure.



Timeless Gem

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About the Author


Udeme Archibong is a prolific writer, an astute communicator and a model of excellence. Her writings have made profound impact on thousands of lives around the world through her blog:, which has followings in over 70 countries in continents of the world.

She is a Self-Development Expert, who passionately works towards helping people maximize their destinies.

At some point, she was a motivational columnist, writing Success Recipe and Destiny Catalyst, for two Nigerian national newspapers, Vanguard and ThisDay, respectively. She is the initiator of the Revolution Series Seminars