It is a reflection of maturity when you acknowledge and understand that no two individuals are the same; we all differing personalities; differing temperaments; different experiences and different ways of handling issues. What we see depends on where we stand and shapes our perspectives. And we all function from different levels of consciousness. Consequently, focusing on the things the other person needs to change is focusing your effort in frustration. However, when you engage in introspection; reflecting on your own thoughts and reaction; considering your own fears and emotions is a beneficial practice.

Strive to know the other person’s feelings and strive to express your own feelings and you will begin to strike out the strife in your relationships. Get to understand where your reaction comes from in order to get to the root issue and deal with it; only then can you be able to control your reaction when someone triggers your inner fear.

To change your reaction you must know and understand that you are in charge of what you think and how you think. Nobody has control over your mind and behavior unless you relinquish your power. Never cast the blame on another but rather take personal responsibility for your part in relationship conflict and also take responsibility on your part for the solution to resolve the conflict.

Taking personal responsibility offers a life of freedom; freedom to control your feelings rather than people or situations controlling your feelings. You become powerless when you permit other people to determine how you feel and how you react.


Happiness is a personal choice of responsibility and cannot be delegated to another. Never rely on anyone for your own happiness.  Happiness is not determined by how you feel but on how you think; happiness is not based on the happenings around you but on the happenings within you. Consequently, you don’t have to “feel” happy to be happy but rather you choose to be happy.   Nobody is responsible to make you happy and you are as happy as you choose to be. It is worthy to note; no single person can meet all your needs, only God can meet all your needs. Never have an unrealistic expectation in anyone; never expect perfection from imperfect people. That’s the reason a close personal relationship with God is very vital and a healthy relationship with self is very important. Until you are happy with who you are, you will never be happy with who you are with. There are needs only God can satisfy and which you find fulfillment only within. Nobody can make you whole. In fact, if you are in a relationship with anyone with the intention of being whole, you will become utterly disappointed and frustrated. Wholeness is found in God and in self and not in other people. Relationship with people does not make you what you already are not rather you manifest what you already are in your relationships with people which determines the quality of the relationship.

Turn off your expectations from people, places or things to bring you fulfillment in life and turn on your expectations towards God, knowing that inner peace, joy, and fulfillment can only be found in Him and within you, as you receive from Him.

Your personal power is enhanced when you become a good-finder. Look for the good or the positive in every situation and in every person. Learn valuable lessons from the trials of life and become a better person rather than living with a bitterness that perpetuates bitter relationships with people and circumstances of life.  



Timeless Gem

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About the Author


Udeme Archibong is a prolific writer, an astute communicator and a model of excellence. Her writings have made profound impact on thousands of lives around the world through her blog:, which has followings in over 70 countries in continents of the world.

She is a Self-Development Expert, who passionately works towards helping people maximize their destinies.

At some point, she was a motivational columnist, writing Success Recipe and Destiny Catalyst, for two Nigerian national newspapers, Vanguard and ThisDay, respectively. She is the initiator of the Revolution Series Seminars