You are never powerless in any situation or in your relaips with people. You are a powerful being. The real power you possess is the power to choose your thoughts and consequently your actions or reactions and to live in this consciousness is to exercise your freedom to become powerful.

Every relationship problem is a reaction problem. When the other person says or does something that taps into the fear within you, you react and your reaction will determine the other person’s response or reaction towards you. If your reaction is negatively inclined, it will further trigger a negative response from the other person and negative emotional currents invade the words or behavior and full-blown relationship problem sets in.

Therefore, it takes two people to produce relationship problems but it takes one person to breakthrough and breakout of relationship problems into relationship harmony. Consequently, it is not just about the other person where human relationship problems are involved but it is just about you to bring about human relationship harmony.

Human relationship problems persist and perpetuate when you focus on the other person as the solution to the problem; focusing on what he or she did wrong and trying to get him or her to change results in powerlessness. You do not have any control over the actions or behavior of another but you have absolute control over your own actions or behavior because you have absolute control over your thoughts which births your feelings and consequently gives rise to your actions or reactions.


Your personal power in your relationships is thus: when you change, everything around you changes including the quality of your relationships with people. And real change begins with changing your thoughts.

You cannot directly change your feelings but you can change your thoughts and when you change your thoughts you consequently change your feelings. And the quickest way to become aware of your thoughts is by how you feel; the negative feeling is a product of negative thinking and positive feeling is produced by positive thinking.

When you change how you react or respond to the actions or behavior of another, you influence them to change. Therefore, you have the power to influence people to change only when you change your actions, inactions, and reactions towards them.

Consequently, you must exercise control over your thoughts, feelings, and actions. To control your thoughts is to control your feelings and to control your feelings is to control your actions. And to manifest self-control is to change the actions or behavior of others through your influence.

You can’t “fix” people; people are not mechanical things-people have their own minds and their own will. When people feel that you are trying to change them to do your will by controlling them the relationship becomes buffeted with problems. Changing how you think and how you act will influence them towards change at their own pace.

Complaining about the problems in your relationships compounds the problem. Focusing on the other person’s actions or inaction diffuses your power to impact or solve the problem. Focusing on yourself in changing how you think and in changing your actions, inaction and reaction will impact on the problem.

Taking personal responsibility for your actions influences the other person to become responsive to change. Taking personal responsibility for your actions will change how the problem will impact on you. The statement “if only he will change…or “if only she will change…I would be happy” is a statement in futility and further perpetuates powerlessness. But the statement, “I will change…” enforces your power to change the problem or at least change how the problem impacts you.

To blame is to blot out your power; to blame is to blot out deep, satisfying relationship; to blame is to blot out harmonious relationships with people. Consequently, the blame is the bane of human relationships which banishes happiness and success.

Manipulating people to change the way they treat us only triggers the manifestations of their own fears which makes them react in ways that compounds and complicates the problem which leaves the individual worse off. Manipulation never produces the manifestation of satisfying and great relationships with people. Manipulation only mandates human relationships to fail. You cannot force people to change or to do your will, it will only force them to rebel and you will repel them.

Focus on what you can and should do rather than focusing on what the other person has done or should do. Focus on what is in your control rather than on what you cannot control.

Remember, your feelings and actions are controlled by your thoughts and you have complete control over your thoughts. Therefore, control how you think; feel; and act and you will exercise control over situations-You are Powerful!



Timeless Gem

. . .

About the Author


Udeme Archibong is a prolific writer, an astute communicator and a model of excellence. Her writings have made profound impact on thousands of lives around the world through her blog:, which has followings in over 70 countries in continents of the world.

She is a Self-Development Expert, who passionately works towards helping people maximize their destinies.

At some point, she was a motivational columnist, writing Success Recipe and Destiny Catalyst, for two Nigerian national newspapers, Vanguard and ThisDay, respectively. She is the initiator of the Revolution Series Seminars